My sheets look like a crime scene.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize