Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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