I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
