Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
