It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
