I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You smell like a Billy Joel song
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
