hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
