Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
