you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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