you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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