It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
