Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
