rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
