i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize