I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
