Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
