so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
