These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
