Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
