i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
