i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
