The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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