My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
