You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
