It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
