Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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