I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
