Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
