o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
