she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
