Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
