I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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