Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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