I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
