M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
