He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it hurts more in the daytime
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
