We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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