im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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