I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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