how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
