i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
