....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
