why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize