You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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