I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
