I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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