Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
