farters have to be the big spoon...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The air was thick with penises
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize