I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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