p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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