I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
