my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
