WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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