I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize