have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
