I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
