My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
