I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize