That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
