Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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