I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
