I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
