the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
