I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
