It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
