pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
