Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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