he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
