ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
