I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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