How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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