There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
