What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
