i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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