I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
