It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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