Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
